I spent a lot of 2024 trapped in my mind

Margaret Pauline Gomez/ Pinterest (Screenshot from the film Through the Olive Trees)

I've never really enjoyed New Year's Eve.

There's something about counting down the clock to watch the ball drop, believing that a reset was only seconds away that never felt convincing to me.

And if you're a "new year new me" type of person, no disrespect to you in any way. In fact, I admire your ability to look forward to flipping the page into the next 365 days with a fresh outlook, pure positivity, and a set of new goals in mind.

But personally, I've just never really felt like that, and I'm learning to accept that it's ok not to walk into a new year with huge hopes and dreams.

If you enter a new year with the mindset of not getting your hopes up and just dealing with your "stuff" day by day, that's okay, too.

That's something I really took away from 2024 because, to be honest, I spent a lot of it trapped in my mind.

I'm not going to get into too many details because number one: everyone is going through their own mental health "stuff" and I don't want to overshadow that, and number two: boundaries baby.

But let's just say, it's been a journey.

And if you also have OCD (and no I'm not talking about the " hahaha I'm sooooo OCD I love order and my house is so neat and tidy" misconception. I am talking about Obsessive. Compulsive. Disorder where you spend hours and hours and days and days ruminating, compulsing, checking, battling intrusive thoughts, hoping you'll gain 100% certainty after said ritual, rinse, repeat) or other kinds of mental health "stuff" you're dealing with, this may resonate with you.

If you get it, you'll know that dealing with your mind can be a constant battle. Anxiety can make you feel like you're drowning in depths you didn't even know existed. There's a cloud of sadness that makes you feel like you're surrounded by an unescapable fog that traps your head in a haze so thick you can't even think. It's all-consuming. It's exhausting. It feels inescapable.

Thankfully, 2024 is the year that also opened me up to learning about how to deal with my mental health "stuff". I've gained so much more understanding about anxiety and uncertainty (specifically OCD) and the ways I can respond to it.

Instead of trying to run away from the unknown and the scariness, I am actively trying to feel the discomfort and be ok with the anxiousness. I'm working on no longer making my anxiety my enemy. It's not easy when my brain has been wired like this and short-circuiting for over two decades of my life, but hey, we're taking it day by day.

And that's my motto going into 2025: day by day.

That's also why I felt like I couldn't really walk into the new year with a "new me" mantra and a bunch of chipper resolutions. I just wanted to be realistic about where I'm at.

Instead, I'm just taking things in stride and striving to do the best I can with a side of self-compassion.

If there's one message I have for anyone reading this as we approach mid-January (a time when most people statistically have let go of their New Year's resolutions) it's to be ok with taking care of your mental health. There's no shame in getting whatever help you need or opening up to someone you trust about what you're going through. If you need a therapist or to talk to a professional about your "stuff" please do not feel like it's something to be embarrassed about. You don't have to hide in the shadows because you feel like you're trapped in your mind.

And hey, if you need someone, I'm always here :) * *Please note: I am not a professional therapist as you can probably tell, but I can be your internet friend to lean on and encourage you along the way.